For Never in Blue Jeans

Why is it so hard to obtain a pair of jeans these days?

Out of the last twenty pairs I have tried, none - none - of them have fit.

I pick a pair of jeans. The size chart assures me that they should fit. I order them, hopefully. They arrive and are ripped out of the packet. Held up against me, they look great. I go to try them on, and... inevitably.... they're too small at the thigh. Even the ones I order one, two sizes too big. All too small in the thigh.

I generally fling them down in disgust and then pick them up to have a closer look. Every single one has a thigh almost as narrow as the calf and then flaring out to the hip about four inches from the waistband. Now. I'm not built like that. I have thigh muscles which can crush the life out of a man. I have calves with a visible 'step' in them when I flex (oh, and don't start me on trying to find knee length boots...)

I am not built like a ten year old girl, in actual fact. I want a pair of jeans that fit without me having to walk about stiff-legged like a cartoon crane, or without having to stop every five seconds to pull the waistband up because it has, once again, fallen down further than it should.

I would also like world peace and doves and stuff, but jeans that fit would suffice, in a pinch. I'll not hold my breath, though.